There are times when a song fits a script beautifully, except for two or three phrases. Or you want to reframe the context so that it’s even more powerful.
You can write new lyrics from scratch.
Here’s how I’ve done it
In one Christmas Eve production, I wanted the Joseph character to sing Casting Crown’s “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day” but that song was originally written in context of New England in the 1800s (and then beautifully rewritten for the modern arrangement – see the lyrics here).
So I rewrote sections, and here’s how it turned out:
I hear the cry of the baby
Son of God, now son of man
I own, I fear His presence here,
The sin on earth, evil of man
But angels are singing
Against the darkness singing
In my heart I hear them
Peace on earth, good will to men
But in despair I bowed my head
There is no peace on earth I said
For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, goodwill to men
But angels are singing
Hear the angels singing
Give me faith to hear it
Peace on earth, good will to men
Then rang the truth more loud and deep
God is not dead, nor does He sleep
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, because of Him!
You strengthen my heart as I pray
I am resolved, I will obey
In faith, to trust Your plan for us,
Of peace on earth, goodwill to men
And angels are singing
Hear the angels singing
Glory to God in heaven
And peace on earth, because of Him.
So today let’s look at a pattern for rewriting sections of songs (and check out this post for another way to accomplish the same purpose).
First off, I’m no lyricist.
I don’t know the first thing about how real musicians go about writing their songs.
I’m just a regular Jane who listens to a lot of music, took piano lessons as a kid, and has a halfway decent ear for tempo.
Now that we have that out of the way…
Today’s sample is Fernando Ortega’s “Creation Song (Glory to the Lamb)”:
He wraps Himself in light
As with a garment,
He spreads out the heavens
And walks on the wings of the wind.
He marked out the span
of Earth’s measure
And laid down its footings
He built up the dry land
Surrounded by waters
Bursting from springs of the sea
He made the moon for its seasons
The sun knows its setting
He looks at the Earth and it trembles
He touches the mountains and they smoke
He sends forth the springs from the valleys
That flow between mountains
The birds of the air
Dwell by the waters
Lifting their voices in song
Psych. One of these verses is not like the others. When I was designing the program for that year, I decided to write an additional verse.
I honestly don’t remember why.
I probably needed more length to fill out the time. I possibly wanted to round out the song since I was cutting the extra choruses at the end.
Honestly though, I probably just wanted to. Because it’s a challenge, and there’s no demerits for failing.
Analysis
Structure
When I listened to this song (over and over and over) I realized that the first verse and the third (Ortega’s second) were shorter, and the fourth was longer.
So structurally I modeled my stanza (the second one) after the fourth, to create a parallel/repetition.
I also liked how verse one and four had longer sentences; I wasn’t a huge fan of how so many lines in verse 3 begin with “He + verb”.
| PATTERN: He sends forth the springs from the valleys That flow between mountains The birds of the air Dwell by the waters Lifting their voices in song | DRAFT: He marked out the span of Earth’s measure And laid down its footings He built up the dry land Surrounded by waters Bursting from springs of the sea |
I then adopted the same structure for my new draft. The verse is in two sentences, with three lines each. That cut the work in two feasible chunks: I just needed two ideas.
Themes
I took notes on the themes or ideas in each of the Ortega verses:
He wraps Himself in light
As with a garment,
He spreads out the heavens
And walks on the wings of the wind.
[Let there be light, heavenly, airy, windy, spacious firmament]
He made the moon for its seasons
The sun knows its setting
He looks at the Earth and it trembles
He touches the mountains and they smoke
[space, sun & moon, mountains]
He sends forth the springs
From the valleys
That flow between mountains
The birds of the air
Dwell by the waters
Lifting their voices in song
[water, mountains again, birds. Small and close – nothing big or grand]
Style
This is a descriptive song. There’s a lightness and simplicity to it. It’s describing Creation and its attributes, and reflecting that Creation’s glory back to its Creator. There’s no deep doctrine explained; there’s no direct message, them, or call to action in the verses. It would feel forced (or simply beyond my skill) to craft a stanza that explained a doctrine, so I needed to stay in the descriptive style.
Writing the New Lyrics
The three original verses reference wind, air, space, the sun, mountains, birds, valleys and rivers. So I decided to expand on the references to physical earth, and include some water as well.
To inspire me for the lyrics themselves, I read the creation accounts in Genesis but wasn’t quite inspired. So I thought
“where else in Scripture are there descriptions of creation?”
- In Psalm 8 the psalmist references the heavens, the moon and stars, flocks and herds and fish of the sea.
- Psalm 33 summarizes the creation of the heavens and the waters.
- Psalm 65 writes in detail about God’s ongoing care for His creation, down to meadows and crops and grain.
But I’m not well versed in the Psalms, so I missed out on these references… This is where different experiences with Scripture could easily result in different directions. Which is really the beauty of this creative process – all of us will collide with Scripture differently.
Job 38, on the other hand, is one of my favorite Old Testament passages so it stood out to me.
When God first speaks to Job, He asks him a series of rhetorical questions that display His power and glory through what He has created. I could take those questions, restructure them as statements, and have a solid reference to a well-known Scriptural source.
And this gave me a link back to Genesis 1 – the creation account originally had too many options, but now that I had a lens provided by Job 38, I could pick out pieces of this chapter that fit best.
| “Who marked off its dimensions? Who stretched a measuring line across it?” (Job 38 verse 5) “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?… On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone?” (Job 38 verses 4 & 6) “Let the dry land appear” (Genesis 1:6-9) “Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb?” “Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea, or walked in the recesses of the deep? (Job 38 verse 8 & 16) | He marked out the span of Earth’s measure And laid down its footings He built up the dry land Surrounded by waters Bursting from springs of the sea |
Here is when the writing work really happened, and there aren’t any tricks or techniques in particular that I can think of. I just summarized the verses, trying out different words and turns of phrase. I also sung it over and over in my head with the original song playing in the background, to make sure that the syllabic emphasis of my lyrics fit the music as well as possible.
But having a strong structure and direction gave those thoughts focus: I knew where I was going and I knew that if I followed my list, I’d have something strong.
Miscellaneous Tips
- Once you find your Scriptural inspiration, try reading those passages in different translations; it’s a thesaurus with all the right context!
- Do this in multiple sittings and let it percolate in between.
- Don’t stress about getting it perfect, and be okay with some of the attempts just not working out.
Have you ever rewritten song lyrics? What’s your process? What works and what doesn’t? I’d love to hear! Let me know at designorganizecreate@gmail.com.