Proverbs 31 can be a tough passage for us single women. In many conservative churches it’s held as the ultimate standard of Biblical femininity (perhaps even to the point of imbalance) and many Mothers Day sermons speak directly to wives and moms about their roles as a “Proverbs 31 woman”.
While marriage and family are certainly spaces where much sacrifice and sanctification occur, what’s highlighted in the Scriptural text is hardly exclusive to those relationships. There’s no mention of specific parenting techniques, let alone marital communication or sexual intimacy.
This section of Scripture is written as a wise woman telling her son what type of young woman – a single woman – who he can envision doing these actions and modeling these behaviors.
This chapter places an ideal woman’s honorable actions and behaviors in the context of marriage and family, not the confines.
With that in mind, let’s look at some of the specific verses and how they can be applied for us single women today. I’ll use examples from my own experience, because I think it’s important for us as believers to recognize our own growth in maturity.
Think about how these principles play out already in your own life.
Even though it is and always be imperfect and marred by sin, don’t shy away from the Christlikeness you see in yourself! We know that it is His work in us, and it is a praise to our Savior to recognize that work taking root and bearing fruit.
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The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
I work in a small company, and we work very closely. I have to be someone my colleagues can trust implicitly, especially when I’m filling in for them: that I’ll treat everyone with kindness and respect, that I’ll be cheery and welcoming to their clients, that I won’t say anything abrasive or promise something beyond the scope of my knowledge.
In the department I lead, I have to build that trust with my teammates so they know I judge as fairly as I can, that I’m looking out for their best interests, and that I’ll always support them during tough days and celebrate them during happy ones.
Over months and years (and plenty of failures and hard conversations along the way), we develop that deeper level of trust. It’s led to some pretty amazing collaborations, teamwork, and an in-sync-ness that I’ve never had in a prior workplace – because we know each other so well, we’ve seen each other fail, and still we trust.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
The portions for the maids refers to setting up their tasks for the day. Any project manager knows that’s a job in itself – deciding on priorities, budget, logistics, and coordinating labor and energy across multiple projects at a time, each with shifting due dates and fires that inevitably arise.
I often think of this verse and also verse 18 (“her lamp does not go out at night”) when I’m the first to arrive at or last to leave the office. It’s usually to prepare for what my calendar tells me will be a hectic day. I want to get in front of it to make what decisions I can ahead of time in a calm headspace and push out important information to teammates in a coherent fashion.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Much is said about this woman’s work ethic and business acumen, and these are where it’s perhaps easier for us single women to draw parallels to our own lives and careers. I see here a woman with vision, who judges carefully and makes wise choices.
She also puts in the work – these sashes do not make themselves and the vineyard doesn’t plant itself either. Those end results are the product of daily labor, finessing a skill, and discovering how to make them profitable.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
Generosity is a characteristic of the Proverbs 31 woman. When you donate funds, or drop off a homemade meal to a sick church member, or volunteer your time in service of your community, you are emulating this beautiful woman.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
This spirit of grace and optimism is welcome at any healthy workplace. Wisdom and kindness have a grounding effect on an office or a conversation – you become known as someone who doesn’t make rash decisions, or take offence easily, or gossip behind others’ backs. These qualities then build that trust that your employees, vendors, clients and colleagues have in you.
Also, the time you spend setting up life insurance, or rehabbing a rental property, or making contributions to your IRA/401k, or spending time at the gym or planning nutritious meals is all well worth it. Putting things in order financially and staying healthy physically have their place too in the process of “laughing at the future.”
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
This woman in Proverbs 31 is rewarded for her labor and praised publicly for her character. When you succeed in your career – negotiating that raise or earning a professional award, accept it as the fruit of your labor. We know that ‘every good and perfect gift comes from above’, so these achievements are something to humbly rejoice in and be grateful for – because we know Whom to be grateful to.
As you read these observations and examples, where do you see your character and your actions fitting those of the Proverbs 31 woman?
Does recognizing those alleviate any pressure around the aura of this rather intimidating woman?
Where do you see areas for growth and development in your own life, at the stage you’re in today?